My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
