Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
