Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
