She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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