worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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