It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize