I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
