Walk of Shame. In a state park.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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