Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
