i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize