after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He felt like a one man threesome
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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