I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
