i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
