She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Vodka?
Forever.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
