just come out here and I will go home with you...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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