I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
