I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
