ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
time to smoke my breakfast
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
