I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
