Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
