dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
