Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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