I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
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We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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