Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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