my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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