I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
