I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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