How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize