Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
