proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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