Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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