i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
