she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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