Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
