At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
