U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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