obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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