bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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