and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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