cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That's when you crack a 10am beer
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
