i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
