Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
