I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
