well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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