Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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