Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
