Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
