She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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