Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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