All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
