Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
