So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
