she kept yelling 'call me bella'
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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