When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
