how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
