I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
