I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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