my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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