Well apparently he's into motor boating.
are you so shy because you have an std?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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