we have pet lesbian snakes
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
