Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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