I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
