Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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