He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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