I wanna passion pit in your ass
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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