I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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