My first STD was from a foam party
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
