he told me I talked like a deaf person
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
