In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
