wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
