Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
