Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
