So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
