Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
