We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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