is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
