i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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