I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
