eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
