Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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