I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
They have beer where we have blood.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
