And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
